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“Observe whether he has specific curiosity or feedback about your work,” says Walsh.“If he’s genuinely interested, his enthusiasm will be obvious.” A red flag: “If he doesn’t respond or just gives you platitudes.” But don’t dismiss him simply because he shows that he’d like to provide for you in small ways, such as paying for the date or making dinner.Others, though, tone down their ambition — or even drop goals altogether — in order to attract or keep a guy around.As Yi S., 31, a finance professional, learned the hard way, the latter can lead to bigger problems down the line.Next, when you’re on the first few dates, look for evidence that this is a person who will cheer you on, suggests Susan Walsh, dating expert and founder of Hooking Up Smart.Most women fail to evaluate this early on but it’s crucial if you want to sniff out someone who’s only saying he supports you.
After a few happy months, he asked her not to move and she agreed to defer her acceptance.“He said, ‘If you give this up now, I will support you in whatever you want to do later,’” Yi recalls. When she started vocalizing her career aspirations, he’d throw out comments like, “But who will make dinner?” He did want a smart wife, Yi says — just not a successful one.And you may be handing over the majority of your ability to make decisions in the relationship because you’re signaling that your partner’s desires override yours, says economist Marina Adshade, Ph D, author of Bottom line: Taming your ambition may land you a boyfriend.However, if you have a big vision of what you hope to accomplish in your career, there’s a strong chance you won’t be satisfied for long.
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“He even told me I was overpaid.” He confessed that he felt emasculated by her career, and later, while she was on a work trip, he cheated on her. But as they strive for success, they’re hitting a snag.